Graham W Price's Blog

I’ve been asked why it isn’t a cop-out for Tiger and Tony, and the rest of us, to understand that everything we’ve ever done is the best we could have done, indeed the only thing we could have done, given our awareness at the time?  It’s not a cop-out because we’re still responsible. 

So what’s the difference between blame, in this case self-blame, and responsibility? 

Blame is always focused on the past. It involves wanting the past to be different, which is crazy because the past can never be different, or thinking the past ‘should’ have been different, which is just as crazy because the past couldn’t have been different. All the choices we’ve ever made were the only choices we could have made, given our awareness at the time. 

Blame, including self-blame, is both futile and a nonsense. 

Responsibility on the other hand only impacts the future. Sure it involves recognising we’re responsible for our past actions … nobody else can be … even though it was the best we could have done, indeed the only thing we could have done, given our awareness at the time. Responsibility only impacts the future because it involves considering whether there’s anything we can or should do now or in the future to make up for what we’ve done … apology, recompense, etc … and whether there’s anything we need to change in our behaviour now or in the future to make sure it doesn’t happen again. 

Blame is about the past. Responsibility is about the future. If we use our understanding of the ‘determined’ nature of life to eliminate self-blame, but don’t take responsibility where appropriate, such as when we’ve wrongly hurt others, then to me that is a cop-out.  

We know Tony missed an opportunity by not apologising, or at least expressing some sadness, to the families of Iraq victims, both British and Iraqi. No doubt he knows it too. He probably blames himself for the oversight, though likely not as much as he blames himself for the aftermath of the war. He needs to know that neither were avoidable. In both cases he did the only thing he could have done, given his awareness at the time. And that awareness at each moment was simply the product of his life history up to that moment. 

If he wants to follow Tiger’s lead and take responsibility now, it’s never too late. 

I let go of regret, guilt and self-blame many years ago, replacing it with responsibility. I’ve had an easier, more satisfying and more productive life for it. Letting go of blaming others is just as powerful, but that’s another story.   www.abicord.com/what-is-is